Funniest/most accurate movie review I’ve read ever in my life ever. From Raphael of Olde English.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS DID YOU SEE INCEPTION?
Inception. Oh boy, Inception.
What is Inception? Well, it’s a film, a film about film, a film about dreams, and a dream about a dream about a mystery. It is quite literally (LITERALLY) a riddle wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in an egg salad sandwich. Again, I am not being metaphorical. Inception is actually a sandwich. I don’t know how they do this (digital projection?), but when you go to see Inception, after you leave the theater, you don’t remember what you just saw and somehow you are eating a sandwich.
Inception is an origami newspaper captain’s hat, and then you turn the hat upside down and realize, uh oh, it was actually a boat the whole time. INCEPTION.
Inception is like an M. Night Shyamalan movie, except in this M. Night Shyamalan movie, the crazy twist at the end is that IT’S A GOOD MOVIE.
Inception has changed the face of cinema forever. The Sorcerer’s Apprentice came out the same day as Inception and by noon, Disney execs were having meetings on whether or not it was too late to reedit the Sorceror’s Apprentice to make it more “Inception-y.”
This movie ripples the very fabric of reality, sending shockwaves forward and backward in time. When Inception premiered, all of a sudden three years earlier Martin Scorsese sat straight up in his bed and whispered “Shutter Island!”
Did you know if you play Inception backwards, IT’S EXACTLY THE SAME?
Did you know that if you stay after the credits, there’s a bonus scene of Leonardo DiCaprio walking in on Patrick Duffy in the shower?
Inception is like an onion because it has layers, but it’s also like an onion because maybe it will make you cry but probably it won’t. ALSO, it’s like an onion because an onion too would completely waste the talents of its female cast, if onions had casts, and also I would not complain if you put Inception in my omelet. DID YOU NOTICE HOW MY ONION METAPHOR HAD LAYERS? My onion metaphor was like an onion. OR DID I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND?
If only Inception had come out ten years earlier. I’m not saying that if the Taliban had seen this movie maybe they wouldn’t hate America so much and it could have prevented September 11th, but, well, I guess I’m not exactly NOT saying it, and I’ve yet to see the point refuted anywhere else, so I choose to take everyone else’s pointed silence on this matter as an implicit agreement.
Inception is the reason the new iPhones don’t work. Inception is why sometimes you get lonely for no reason.
Here is a list of other things Inception is:
- a baby
- a paradox
- a clock
- a series of little Russian dolls inside of little Russian dolls inside of little Russian dolls inside of dolls
- a window looking into a store that sells windows
- nectar milked from the nipples of Zeus himself
- a movie, about inceptors, incepting things
- spooooooooky!
- a house of leaves
- a probing journey into the depths of the human soul
- like Science of Sleep, but with guns
- a thneed
In fact, Inception is everything. Remember that movie Killers, with Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl? Remember the time you ran to catch up to your older brother and you tripped and skinned your knee and he could never understand why that made you cry so much? Remember when you read this blog post about Inception? All those things were part of Inception.
In fact, there is only one thing that ISN’T Inception. Ready? It’s Inception. What?
WHAT?!
Inception.
…
Every year I keep a running tally and ranking of how much I like every movie I see because apparently I can’t just enjoy anything anymore:
1. Inception
2. Winter’s Bone
3. Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work
4. How To Train Your Dragon
5. Greenberg
6. Toy Story 3
7. The Kids Are All Right
8. Mother and Child
9. Shutter Island
10. Please Give
11. Splice
12. Date Night
13. Iron Man 2
14. Kick-Ass
15. Sex and the City 2
16. Hot Tub Time Machine
17. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
