SCAM MACHINE

scarves

God help me, let’s start with scarves.

I am not an incredibly fashionable person, and I couldn’t keep up with what’s trendy even if I tried (which I won’t). What do I know about trends? I still listen to INXS. But I do like fashion, and lately people keep giving me scarves. So I had to learn how to tie them—because depending on the cut, shape or material, they need to be tied differently, or they’ll look like a pile of crap hanging around your neck. I’ll let you be the judge if that image still rings true, despite my attempts.

We’ll start with the winter scarf. This is a long wool H&M scarf. All I did was wrap it around twice and tuck the ends in. Be careful not to asphyxiate yourself; to die chic is not the point (you’ll still be dead).

This is probably my favorite scarf; Shelly found it abandoned somewhere at Purchase and gave it to me. It’s short, rectangular and chenille, so it’s very soft. This tie is called the European Loop. I was glad to learn the name because people have often said I look French while wearing this style; I was disappointed to find it wasn’t due to my pretentiousness.

Here we have a scarf my friend Lauren bought me for $1 in Astoria. What a pal! It’s big and square and houndstooth. I made this tie up by wrapping it around once, bringing the ends together in front and tying a double knot. Voila.

So here we have my most complicated scarf. It’s square, it’s silk, it’s got these little flowers that hang off the entire perimeter. My boyfriend got it for me in Turkey, and it’s beautiful. But I don’t know how to wear it! First I tried the Neck Wrap. A little too much fabric…

The Square Knot. Maybe there is no good way to wear this one.

Also purchased in Turkey, we have a long, rectangular silk scarf. It’s got tassels—very delicate. This is the simple and obvious once-around. And this is a low-cut shirt. Awww yeah.

This last scarf isn’t actually mine, it’s my mama’s. Lightweight cotton, very long and thin. I wanted to demonstrate a great method I found that looks more complicated than it is: learn how here.