“hi.
my dad’s ex-girlfriend joy likes cold weather almost as much as she likes sending him little haikus about it in italics on homemade rice paper from her mossy log cabin in eastern maine, where she also likes to sit and count the minutes until she can finally get cancer and make a big fucking philosophy out of it.
neither of you should be writing any screenplays.”
The worst part of all this was that I was in the middle of working on my screenplay, which takes place partially in a house in eastern Maine.
“Sam Marine, 12 Days of Atheist Matches!
Meet _____. He’s an atheist, like you, and single. So while the faithful burn yule logs and eat glue, you two could be, you know, hanging out. Send him a message. Make it happen.”
Love,
OKcupid.com, experts in romance and subtlety
I know what you’re thinking: “God just get over it, it’s been 48 hours bitch.”
Well, it still sucks. Sorry to drag you through it. Anyway, the shitty thing about breaking up is not just wondering what went wrong, what you could have done differently, why you suddenly weren’t good enough anymore when you were once that person’s whole world… it’s the vulnerability of knowing that anyone at any time could disappoint you, let you go, leave. Sometimes there will be no warning signs and sometimes the rug will be pulled out from under you. I have done it to others, I’ve had it done to me. There is a great amount of insecurity that comes with facing the fact that you can never trust anyone to stick around forever, just as there is a great amount of beauty in the silly, blind leap of faith we take every time around that maybe, just maybe, this time they will.
Which of course they won’t, because everyone will die. Unless you die first. Something to aim for, perhaps.
…I’m sorry guys. It’s been 4 years since I’ve faced a winter, a birthday, a Christmas, a Valentine’s day without a warm, comforting body in my bed. Emphasis on the warm part. As in, alive. I’M NOT CRAZY
The point is, my lovely friend Anu told me she was looking back through my blog, about a year’s worth of material, and it inspired me to do the same. It’s surprisingly therapeutic; reading through old thoughts and feelings, saying to myself, “Remember when you felt that way? Well you don’t anymore and that wasn’t so long ago.” It’s good reminder that Time Heals All Wounds except when you are a dead body in my bed.
well this will give me time to write that screenplay i’ve been thinking about
well this will give me time to hit the gym like i’ve been talking about
well this will give me time to try out that new recipe that looked good that wasn’t vegetarian so i couldn’t fucking make it ever
well this will give me time to be single as i turn 25
(and y’know i haven’t been single since january 2008, y’know y’know)
well this will give me time
![bbook:
Marianne: What are you doing?
Ferdinard: [looking at the mirror] Looking at myself. Marianne: And what do you see? Ferdinard: The face of a man who’s driving towards a cliff at 100 km/h. Marianne: [turns the mirror towards herself] I see a woman who is in love with the man who’s driving towards a cliff at 100 km/h. Ferdinard: So let’s kiss.
Ugh, I am DOOMED](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lh1muoIC1y1qzspj4o1_500.jpg)
